Feeling really good. almost to the 72 hour mark!
Cravings have been very minor and infrequent. Mainly I am having cravings in the evening but even these are fairly minor. I have not ventured out to the bar yet. I am confident that it wont be an issue.
I am starting to feel more and more excited and also upbeat. I can tell my poor lungs are trying to recuperate from the abuse. I still have a heaviness in my chest and a cough but day by day its getting better.
I am eating more which isn't suppose to happen. I need to stop doing that, however I am not snacking or substituting with gum and candy so I am on the right track there. I am just eating a full meal at dinner which I need to watch since dinner is the meal that gets me in trouble with my stomach in the middle of the night.
I spent the evenings painting and playing games, I kept trying not to go in the backyard because I would smoke when I'm out there, But then I realized something... I am an outdoor person, I like being outside and there is no reason why I cant enjoy the backyard without a smoke. I took my chair and sat outside with the dogs for about 30mins last night and felt great! I was relaxed and comfortable, drank my beer and played my games things I normally did while I would smoke and was completely fine. It was the moment I truly believed that I could do what ever I wanted and enjoy it and not fear or have to deal with the cravings. It was a wonderful feeling to have.
Next test will be the bar,with my friends who smoke. I need to wrap my head around that one a little more. The fear is still there and I need to work past that before I attempt it.
The end
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
I AM A Non-Smoker!
May 11, 2015 @ 3:30pm I smoked my last cigarette and I am now a non-smoker.
I AM a non-smoker
I am not quiting smoking I have quit. I am not giving it up because I have nothing to loose.
It is over, done. The evil beast that has controlled me since I was 18 years old is gone.
I have taken my life back and am happy about it. I have no reason to smoke because it does NOTHING for me.
I do not need to smoke because I don't want to, because I am not 'giving it up' I am gaining my life back.
I am not afraid, I am happy. I am excited and that I am begging my life anew.
I don't have to do anything different, there is nothing I have to give up. I am going to continue to live my life as I always have. I do not have to deprive myself of anything.
I AM FREE!!!!
I AM a non-smoker
I am not quiting smoking I have quit. I am not giving it up because I have nothing to loose.
It is over, done. The evil beast that has controlled me since I was 18 years old is gone.
I have taken my life back and am happy about it. I have no reason to smoke because it does NOTHING for me.
I do not need to smoke because I don't want to, because I am not 'giving it up' I am gaining my life back.
I am not afraid, I am happy. I am excited and that I am begging my life anew.
I don't have to do anything different, there is nothing I have to give up. I am going to continue to live my life as I always have. I do not have to deprive myself of anything.
I AM FREE!!!!
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
My Adventure Continues
This has been more of a on going process then I expected. I have tried so many things:
What I have learned according to Alan Carr's method, the short version:
It seems at the root of this method is the idea that we smoke because we fear quitting. And I am finding that this is very true for me. An example is that when I tried hypnosis I had a large panic attack during the session. I couldn't understand why but I am starting to be able to answer that. I am terrified of quitting. It sounds silly but its true. When faced with the idea of quitting I become tense and stressed, my anxiety kicks into hi gear and I feel similar to how I would if I was jumping off a cliff knowing that when I land its going to hurt but I have to anyways. It seems obvious now that this mentality is not going to carry me through it. So I am attempting to undo the brain washing as he calls it. I am trying to eliminate the fear. If I can do that I will be successful. I stopped smoking for 9 months about 5 years ago (maybe 6), it seemed easier then, I have been trying to figure out what was different and have been unsuccessful. I thought it was because I was maybe not under the stress I am dealing with now, but my husband and I where fighting a lot and I wasn't sure what our future was at that point. I thought it was because I decided to quit for fathers day, but I tried to recreate that sense of commitment by quitting for my father again as well as for my husband, and our future kids and failed. I thought it was because I had a big pep talk to myself when I smoked the last one back then, yeah I have tried that every time and have had no luck. I now think it was because I had never tried to quit before, at least not seriously, I had not the fear of failure that I have now. My fear is so much more than it was then, I was confident then. One thing I know I have been doing that also supports this idea is that when I start the "jump" I say to myself that I am "trying to quit" I say this to family and friends as well. Its not as simple as changing what I say because that is where my mind is at. Back then I smoked the last one and said "I quit". There is a huge physiological difference there.
Anyone trying to quit I recommend checking the book out if for no other reason then that it will give you some new perspectives that you may not have thought of before.
Allen Carr's Website
Link to buy the book on Amazon
- A smoking Cessation Class through Kaiser Permanent twice
- Therapy
- Willpower alone
- Hypnosis
- Will power is not a good method, it stems from the idea that quitting is hard, uncomfortable and you will have to fight the urge for a very long time if not forever which is a stressful and scary idea, it sets you up to fail and a very small percentage of people succeed with this method.
- It is physiological more then the drug that keeps you smoking; we believe that smoking does things like calms us and helps us concentrate but how does a drug do 2 such different things? It is brain washing we deal with. Brainwashing that smoking is enjoyable and that quitting is going to be painful.
- Smoking is not a habit it is a drug addiction. This is actually something I came to terms with awhile ago.
It seems at the root of this method is the idea that we smoke because we fear quitting. And I am finding that this is very true for me. An example is that when I tried hypnosis I had a large panic attack during the session. I couldn't understand why but I am starting to be able to answer that. I am terrified of quitting. It sounds silly but its true. When faced with the idea of quitting I become tense and stressed, my anxiety kicks into hi gear and I feel similar to how I would if I was jumping off a cliff knowing that when I land its going to hurt but I have to anyways. It seems obvious now that this mentality is not going to carry me through it. So I am attempting to undo the brain washing as he calls it. I am trying to eliminate the fear. If I can do that I will be successful. I stopped smoking for 9 months about 5 years ago (maybe 6), it seemed easier then, I have been trying to figure out what was different and have been unsuccessful. I thought it was because I was maybe not under the stress I am dealing with now, but my husband and I where fighting a lot and I wasn't sure what our future was at that point. I thought it was because I decided to quit for fathers day, but I tried to recreate that sense of commitment by quitting for my father again as well as for my husband, and our future kids and failed. I thought it was because I had a big pep talk to myself when I smoked the last one back then, yeah I have tried that every time and have had no luck. I now think it was because I had never tried to quit before, at least not seriously, I had not the fear of failure that I have now. My fear is so much more than it was then, I was confident then. One thing I know I have been doing that also supports this idea is that when I start the "jump" I say to myself that I am "trying to quit" I say this to family and friends as well. Its not as simple as changing what I say because that is where my mind is at. Back then I smoked the last one and said "I quit". There is a huge physiological difference there.
Anyone trying to quit I recommend checking the book out if for no other reason then that it will give you some new perspectives that you may not have thought of before.
Allen Carr's Website
Link to buy the book on Amazon
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Day 5
So my new quit date is 10/12/14.
I am now working on day 5 and feeling pretty good about it.
A lot of the negativity I was feeling a few days ago has worn off. My cravings I feel are pretty well under control. Still need to come up with a game plan to deal with the unexpected. That is usually what gets me. I think it may be time to spend more time going through my quit packet from Kaiser to help form a game plan. It unfortunately is in my car and my car is in the shop until Saturday Morning.
I am eating more then I want to. Snacking and craving sweets which is not normal. I can only handle fighting off so much though. I guess its time to develop some sort of exercise routine to try and combat that a bit. Yoga here I come! Now just need to find the time.
I am now working on day 5 and feeling pretty good about it.
A lot of the negativity I was feeling a few days ago has worn off. My cravings I feel are pretty well under control. Still need to come up with a game plan to deal with the unexpected. That is usually what gets me. I think it may be time to spend more time going through my quit packet from Kaiser to help form a game plan. It unfortunately is in my car and my car is in the shop until Saturday Morning.
I am eating more then I want to. Snacking and craving sweets which is not normal. I can only handle fighting off so much though. I guess its time to develop some sort of exercise routine to try and combat that a bit. Yoga here I come! Now just need to find the time.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Oscar the Grouch
I am turning in to Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. I'm turning cynical and angry, I have no patience for that which infuriates and irritates me. My body is rebelling against me. My husband irritates me. My coworkers either irritate or infuriate. And all this just makes me so tired, unmotivated and grumpy.
Maybe it wont be all bad. Maybe I will finally give my co worker hell and stop letting him get away with his shitty attitude. That would be both liberating and satisfying if it actually worked out the way I want it to. Its probably a good thing the Jason (my husband) is not going to be around much of this week. Of course I'll probably eventually end up mad at him about that too.
I think I will need a nice pajama party with my puppies tonight watching Pride and Prejudiced or Howls Moving castle with hot chocolate or tea and something sweet (wine would be nice, oh how I miss you my delicious friend). I may need to make that a nightly think this week so that I can push through it.
on a side note I had to reset the clock new quite date is 10/12/14, I am 1day 43mintes into it. I dont want to talk about it. Moving on from here.
Maybe it wont be all bad. Maybe I will finally give my co worker hell and stop letting him get away with his shitty attitude. That would be both liberating and satisfying if it actually worked out the way I want it to. Its probably a good thing the Jason (my husband) is not going to be around much of this week. Of course I'll probably eventually end up mad at him about that too.
I think I will need a nice pajama party with my puppies tonight watching Pride and Prejudiced or Howls Moving castle with hot chocolate or tea and something sweet (wine would be nice, oh how I miss you my delicious friend). I may need to make that a nightly think this week so that I can push through it.
on a side note I had to reset the clock new quite date is 10/12/14, I am 1day 43mintes into it. I dont want to talk about it. Moving on from here.
Friday, October 3, 2014
My Last Cigarette
About a year ago I found this app called 'My Last Cigarette' for my IPhone. I have played around with it a bit and I think it can be a great motivational tool if not just kind of fun to watch.
Here are my stats today according to the app:
So I will kind of explain a little what you are looking at starting from the top. The heart with the cross on top is your life expectancy increase, the 0y, 0d, 2h, 53m, 46s is the readout that shows your increase in life expectancy compared to if you had remained a smoker. The skull with the number by it is a counter for how many people have died from smoking related deaths since you quite, its based on the World Health Organization statistics, So since I quit 24035 have died, scary!! The broken heart with the percentage by it is your heart attack risk compared against what your risk was before you quit smoking so basically this means I have reduced my risk of a heart attack by .17%; this is a screwy calculator I think they could have found a better way of presenting the information. The lungs with a percentage by it is the same as the heart attack one but for lung cancer, my lung cancer risk has gone down by .09%. The savings meter is calculating how much money I have not spent on cigarettes so far. I have saved $12.12. just above the bars that go from red to green you will see a calculator for how long I have been a non smoker. at the time of this picture I had not smoked 2days 11hours and 55mins. circulation indicates current improvement in circulation compared to maximum benefit I am likely to achieve. Lung Health shows current lung health compared to maximum improvement possible. Carbon Monoxide shows the level in your blood, this number drops down very quickly, I believe by the end of the first day it was in the green. Cravings show the expected level of cravings based upon how much and how long I smoked, wish it would move a little faster. Nicotine Levels show the level of nicotine in your blood, I found it interesting that it took a good solid 2 days for that to drop to green. What all this means is I have a long way to go but I am making progress! It also has the daily pic of discouragement. Today's was a bit squeamish but effective, they aren't always that way.
If you are interested In the app you can find more information about it here.
I am on day 3, Its definitely a little easier then day 1 and day 2 but I am still fighting the need to smoke. Its such a ingrained habit that I catch myself subconsciously preparing to go smoke before my brain kicks in and remembers that a) I don't smoke anymore and b) that I have no cigarettes. Also I am finding that the evenings at home are the hardest which I wasn't expecting. I figured my car would be the hardest. I am noticing my throat doesn't hurt nearly as much, the clogged up feeling in it also has decreased drastically. My tongue often times had a white coating on it and I am pleased that that is already completely gone. My chest feels a lot lighter too. The one negative is that I am having more issues with my stomach then normal. I am often having issues with being nauseated at night, but I have a good handle on that through diet and a special pillow I use. Now I am getting nauseated during the day and more then once too. Not sure what that is about but I am not one that handles feeling nauseous well, it needs to go away.
Here are my stats today according to the app:
So I will kind of explain a little what you are looking at starting from the top. The heart with the cross on top is your life expectancy increase, the 0y, 0d, 2h, 53m, 46s is the readout that shows your increase in life expectancy compared to if you had remained a smoker. The skull with the number by it is a counter for how many people have died from smoking related deaths since you quite, its based on the World Health Organization statistics, So since I quit 24035 have died, scary!! The broken heart with the percentage by it is your heart attack risk compared against what your risk was before you quit smoking so basically this means I have reduced my risk of a heart attack by .17%; this is a screwy calculator I think they could have found a better way of presenting the information. The lungs with a percentage by it is the same as the heart attack one but for lung cancer, my lung cancer risk has gone down by .09%. The savings meter is calculating how much money I have not spent on cigarettes so far. I have saved $12.12. just above the bars that go from red to green you will see a calculator for how long I have been a non smoker. at the time of this picture I had not smoked 2days 11hours and 55mins. circulation indicates current improvement in circulation compared to maximum benefit I am likely to achieve. Lung Health shows current lung health compared to maximum improvement possible. Carbon Monoxide shows the level in your blood, this number drops down very quickly, I believe by the end of the first day it was in the green. Cravings show the expected level of cravings based upon how much and how long I smoked, wish it would move a little faster. Nicotine Levels show the level of nicotine in your blood, I found it interesting that it took a good solid 2 days for that to drop to green. What all this means is I have a long way to go but I am making progress! It also has the daily pic of discouragement. Today's was a bit squeamish but effective, they aren't always that way.
I am on day 3, Its definitely a little easier then day 1 and day 2 but I am still fighting the need to smoke. Its such a ingrained habit that I catch myself subconsciously preparing to go smoke before my brain kicks in and remembers that a) I don't smoke anymore and b) that I have no cigarettes. Also I am finding that the evenings at home are the hardest which I wasn't expecting. I figured my car would be the hardest. I am noticing my throat doesn't hurt nearly as much, the clogged up feeling in it also has decreased drastically. My tongue often times had a white coating on it and I am pleased that that is already completely gone. My chest feels a lot lighter too. The one negative is that I am having more issues with my stomach then normal. I am often having issues with being nauseated at night, but I have a good handle on that through diet and a special pillow I use. Now I am getting nauseated during the day and more then once too. Not sure what that is about but I am not one that handles feeling nauseous well, it needs to go away.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Day 1 done
First day went rather well. Only had one minor set back when I got home. My pack of cigarettes were still sitting on the counter. From experience I know that if the cravings get bad enough I will go hunting through the trash for the pack or try to find one that isn't completely ripped up that I can get a few drags off of. Gross I know but an addict is an addict it doesn't matter what the drug of choice is, the addiction still controls you, or as the woman running the class says its your primitive brain doing the controling, you have to trick it.
Needless to say I ended up grabbing one. It went well though, I ended up having more self control then I usually do, more strength of will. I took a few drags and then threw it in the fire pit. An hour later I grabbed another one and did the same thing.
My husband was in charge of removing them from the house. Its better if someone else does it for me. He didn't see the pack yesterday morning so thought I took care of them. Today I will not have the same issue when I get home. The pack has been removed from the house by my husband.
I will have 2 tests to my resolve coming up soon. One of which I am trying to decided if its worth it. Tomorrow night my husband and I are going to go to dinner after work as a celebratory dinner that the summer is over. Summer was very busy and stressful for both of us. My boss had given me a $150 gift certificate to a very nice Italian restaurant for my 5year anniversary with the company at the beginning of the summer and we decided to save it and use it when the summer was over. Needless to say a bottle of nice red wine will be involved. But the strain on me is worth it. This dinner is something we both need. The second one that I have been debating about is a concert on Monday. It is to see Lilly Allen one of my favorite artists who is from the UK. She doesn't make it over to our neck of the woods often, I bought tickets to see her back in June. I am also going with one of my best girl friends who is a smoker and I am sure we will be drinking. Not sure that its worth it, I still have a few days to decide though. I also am in the free and clear after the Monday (the 6th) I have no other pre scheduled events that can spell trouble and can avoid them going forward. I had considered waiting until the 7th to quit but my throat is all kinds of screwed up and I'm starting to have a smokers cough so I decided that even if I stumble a little in the first week waiting any longer was not a good idea.
Needless to say I ended up grabbing one. It went well though, I ended up having more self control then I usually do, more strength of will. I took a few drags and then threw it in the fire pit. An hour later I grabbed another one and did the same thing.
My husband was in charge of removing them from the house. Its better if someone else does it for me. He didn't see the pack yesterday morning so thought I took care of them. Today I will not have the same issue when I get home. The pack has been removed from the house by my husband.
I will have 2 tests to my resolve coming up soon. One of which I am trying to decided if its worth it. Tomorrow night my husband and I are going to go to dinner after work as a celebratory dinner that the summer is over. Summer was very busy and stressful for both of us. My boss had given me a $150 gift certificate to a very nice Italian restaurant for my 5year anniversary with the company at the beginning of the summer and we decided to save it and use it when the summer was over. Needless to say a bottle of nice red wine will be involved. But the strain on me is worth it. This dinner is something we both need. The second one that I have been debating about is a concert on Monday. It is to see Lilly Allen one of my favorite artists who is from the UK. She doesn't make it over to our neck of the woods often, I bought tickets to see her back in June. I am also going with one of my best girl friends who is a smoker and I am sure we will be drinking. Not sure that its worth it, I still have a few days to decide though. I also am in the free and clear after the Monday (the 6th) I have no other pre scheduled events that can spell trouble and can avoid them going forward. I had considered waiting until the 7th to quit but my throat is all kinds of screwed up and I'm starting to have a smokers cough so I decided that even if I stumble a little in the first week waiting any longer was not a good idea.
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