Day 3

Feeling really good. almost to the 72 hour mark!
Cravings have been very minor and infrequent. Mainly I am having cravings in the evening but even these are fairly minor. I have not ventured out to the bar yet. I am confident that it wont be an issue.
I am starting to feel more and more excited and also upbeat. I can tell my poor lungs are trying to recuperate from the abuse. I still have a heaviness in my chest and a cough but day by day its getting better.
I am eating more which isn't suppose to happen. I need to stop doing that, however I am not snacking or substituting with gum and candy so I am on the right track there. I am just eating a full meal at dinner which I need to watch since dinner is the meal that gets me in trouble with my stomach in the middle of the night.
I spent the evenings painting and playing games, I kept trying not to go in the backyard because I would smoke when I'm out there, But then I realized something... I am an outdoor person, I like being outside and there is no reason why I cant enjoy the backyard without a smoke. I took my chair and sat outside with the dogs for about 30mins last night and felt great! I was relaxed and comfortable, drank my beer and played my games things I normally did while I would smoke and was completely fine. It was the moment I truly believed that I could do what ever I wanted and enjoy it and not fear or have to deal with the cravings. It was a wonderful feeling to have.
Next test will be the bar,with my friends who smoke. I need to wrap my head around that one a little more. The fear is still there and I need to work past that before I attempt it.

I AM A Non-Smoker!

May 11, 2015 @ 3:30pm I smoked my last cigarette and I am now a non-smoker.
I AM a non-smoker
I am not quiting smoking I have quit. I am not giving it up because I have nothing to loose.
It is over, done. The evil beast that has controlled me since I was 18 years old is gone.
I have taken my life back and am happy about it. I have no reason to smoke because it does NOTHING for me.
I do not need to smoke because I don't want to, because I am not 'giving it up' I am gaining my life back.
I am not afraid, I am happy. I am excited and that I am begging my life anew.
I don't have to do anything different, there is nothing I have to give up. I am going to continue to live my life as I always have. I do not have to deprive myself of anything. 
I AM FREE!!!!

My Adventure Continues

This has been more of a on going process then I expected. I have tried so many things:

• A smoking Cessation Class through Kaiser Permanent twice
• Therapy
• Willpower alone
• Hypnosis

 Now I am trying  Allen Carr's Easy Way to stop smoking by Alan Carr. According to this method I a currently quitting but not a non-smoker yet. His claim is that once you finish the program you will quit with no issues, no withdraw, nothing. That it will be easy and enjoyable. This is still a concept I am struggling with, I am about 3/4 of the way through the book but I have high hopes for this out come.

What I have learned according to Alan Carr's method, the short version:

1. Will power is not a good method, it stems from the idea that quitting is hard, uncomfortable and you will have to fight the urge for a very long time if not forever which is a stressful and scary idea, it sets you up to fail and a very small percentage of people succeed with this method. 
2. It is physiological more then the drug that keeps you smoking; we believe that smoking does things like calms us and helps us concentrate but how does a drug do 2 such different things? It is brain washing we deal with. Brainwashing that smoking is enjoyable and that quitting is going to be painful.
3. Smoking is not a habit it is a drug addiction. This is actually something I came to terms with awhile ago.

It seems at the root of this method is the idea that we smoke because we fear quitting. And I am finding that this is very true for me. An example is that when I tried hypnosis I had a large panic attack during the session. I couldn't understand why but I am starting to be able to answer that. I am terrified of quitting. It sounds silly but its true. When faced with the idea of quitting I become tense and stressed, my anxiety kicks into hi gear and I feel similar to how I would if I was jumping off a cliff knowing that when I land its going to hurt but I have to anyways. It seems obvious now that this mentality is not going to carry me through it. So I am attempting to undo the brain washing as he calls it. I am trying to eliminate the fear. If I can do that I will be successful. I stopped smoking for 9 months about 5 years ago (maybe 6), it seemed easier then, I have been trying to figure out what was different and have been unsuccessful. I thought it was because I was maybe not under the stress I am dealing with now, but my husband and I where fighting a lot and I wasn't sure what our future was at that point. I thought it was because I decided to quit for fathers day, but I tried to recreate that sense of commitment by quitting for my father again as well as for my husband, and our future kids and failed. I thought it was because I had a big pep talk to myself when I smoked the last one back then, yeah I have tried that every time and have had no luck.  I now think it was because I had never tried to quit before, at least not seriously, I had not the fear of failure that I have now. My fear is so much more than it was then, I was confident then. One thing I know I have been doing that also supports this idea is that when I start the "jump" I say to myself that I am "trying to quit" I say this to family and friends as well. Its not as simple as changing what I say because that is where my mind is at. Back then I smoked the last one and said "I quit". There is a huge physiological difference there.

Anyone trying to quit I recommend checking the book out if for no other reason then that it will give you some new perspectives that you may not have thought of before.

Allen Carr's Website

Link to buy the book on Amazon